Friday, 30 May 2014

Look away. This post is GAY!

He said "see you tomorrow night" but I was once again let down by his promise. It seems to be a recurring theme and it always happens like this.

I text him to say I'm coming over. He doesn't respond. I get annoyed. We don't speak/text for a week. I give up and say hi. He acts like nothing's happened.

I always find excuses for him like he's just useless at texting, or he's busy with his friend staying over. But the elephant in the room is that he couldn't care less about some kid who is only good for his physical needs.

I don't like writing about this because I don't like to come across as the nagging, clingy type. I'm not. I just need to adjust my expectations from an older man who doesn't want to deal with dating either.

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

When is it right to say the L word?

I am terrified of saying the word "love", or "I love you". It's almost like popping the question with a knee down.

At which point in a relationship should (or can) the L word be used? Is it when two people go from dating to a couple? Or not until you have had a few fights and you have accepted their flaws and the things they do that drive you insane but they will keep doing? Or only before you are about to propose something big like moving in together, getting married (or a threesome)?

Does it even need to be said anymore? I don't hear it that often in films, unless one of them is about to fall off a cliff and they just need to let the other one know, "that I love you. AHHhhhhhh..."

I have been seeing Rob regularly, about once a week (only because his shift times make it difficult). He is getting better at returning my texts. But we still haven't talked about the whole "being together" thing, or what we are supposed to be. We are as noncommittal as it gets. If we were not more than twenty years apart, we could be celebrating our one year anniversary now. I would have met more than just one of his friends and he would have sat next to me at the annual company do last month. Yes, I worry about what my friends and everyone else would think. But I still want to be with him all the time, do things for him and make him happy. I think that roughly matches the description of "love". I don't just "fancy" him, as they say. Fair?

I was going to see him tonight after his shift. He cancelled at the very last minute and suggested tomorrow night instead. "Tomorrow definitely :) xxxxxx" he texted.

"Xxx love you"

Yes it was my cowardly way. I cringed as I typed it because it felt so cliched and *serious* (serious voice). It still took me twenty minutes to finally put my finger on the "send" button. Fuck.

"Wow wasn't expecting that... Thanks:))) . See u tomorrow night x"

Fuck...Ok you know what, that's fine. At least now he knows.

Monday, 12 May 2014

Rocking the boat

It is safe to say that I have never been intimate with anyone for as long as I have with Rob. By intimate I mean fucking and spooning. No we don't fuck every time.

A month ago I heard a 50 year old lady caller on the radio telling the host about her and her 25 year old boyfriend. I cringed and texted Rob about it as a joke. He asked, does that mean you want to be my bf? We toy with the idea from time to time but I always change the subject because I am scared of making commitments that could one day be false.

Earlier this month when I heard there was a chance I might have to relocate to Birmingham for work with my company, I realised that it would be difficult to leave Rob. He didn't say anything about it over dinner. Birmingham is nice. You'd like it.

I think I have made the common young men's mistake and grown a bit attached. When I get to Rob's age, maybe I, too, will have accepted a way of life on my own with a couple of small animals and no one is indispensable. That's the difference between a 25 year old and a 40+ man.

Sunday, 11 May 2014

All you cock experts out there

can you tell me whether this is a cut cock or uncut but with not much hood?