He likes it rough

The rusty entrance gate to the building slams shut behind me making a loud noise. I make my way up to the fifth floor by the narrow staircase illuminated by some cheap fluorescent tubes. There is only one flat on each floor and this particular door in front of me is shiney dark wood, distinctively newer and nicer than the rest of the building. I open the door and there he is, a few steps away on his knees, wearing nothing except a netted Andrew Christian jockstrap and a blindfold. I close the door, put my jacket on the table and let my semi out through the flies on my jeans. I remove his blindfold so he can take a good look while he starts sucking on my cock.

He looks gorgeous just like in the photos I have seen. He has the kind of nice features that let him get away with just about anything in life. But he is a sub boy really. He has been calling me "sir" on Grindr and telling me how eager he is to be my bitch. I don't have any experience with a sub boy, but I find the chat very horny and want to have a go. Can't be that hard to face-fuck someone.

I try my best to look like I know what I am doing. I let him come up for a snog and he goes for it like an excited puppy, wagging his tail. After the greetings it's time to get back to business which means blindfold back on and I cuff his hands behind him with a thick velcro restrainer he has ready on the coffee table. I'm glad it's not fiddly because I could just see myself taking ages to put them on like an awkward amateur. I am doing ok. I let him suck some more while I play with his nipples - he seems to like it and being smacked on his face/tits from the way he moans. I lead him around the sofa to lay him down with his head resting on a black, fluffy mini footstool/beanbag and sit on his face with a bit of leaning towards a 69'er. He rims my hole so enthusiastically I think he was enjoying it more than me. Sometimes I'd turn around to face-fuck him a bit with his head on the beanbag.

I can't remember when I took his expensive underwear off but he doesn't seem to like having his uncut cock wanked much. I think it's the kind with a sensitive head that has to have the turtleneck rolled down in a particular way or something. I release the buckle between the cuffs and let him play with himself while I fucked his face. Now he's sitting up, I ask him if he wants my piss. He moans in confirmation, with my cock still in his mouth. I tell him to stop sucking but my cock is still pointing down his throat - I just need him to lose the grip so I can start the flow. As soon as it starts his lips seal around my hose and he gulps down the oil. It feels funny because I am pissing, I am using those muscles, but I can't see or hear the stream. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there...

I turn him towards the beanbag again but this time with his head down, ass up, hands behind his back. Sub boys love that position. I think. I start spanking his arse. I just want to see if it turns me on. As his cheeks go from pale to bright pink, his yelping gets louder and sounds more genuine. Ok not doing anything for me. I go for his hole with my fingers and some spit. He wails when I put the first finger in although it was an easy entry. He makes the same noise when I pull out. So with the next fingers I go in very slowly, making sure he has time to adjust with the help of some lube. I enjoy feeling around inside him. And he moans in pleasure when his cuffed hands have given up looking for something to hold on to. When I get to four fingers (I only go half way in and I don't have fat fingers so it's actually not much more than a big cock) he says with his mild french accent he wants to suck my cock. I take that as a signal to move on.

He turns back around and lays there while I go in and out of his mouth. I unbuckle him again so he can play with himself. He says he wants my cum. I start increasing the pace and tensing my core muscles. The thrusting action does it for me and I peel off his blindfold seconds before ropes of cum slide up his face, with a third of it bounced off and onto the beanbag over his head. I should have left his blindfold on because now he can't open either of his eyes. He comes on his stomach as I am still straddling his face. It doesn't last very long so when he's done with his orgasm I get up to wash my hands under the kitchen tap. He heads for the toilet to sort out his cum-covered face. By the time he reappears I am almost dressed. I am still very warm from the action. I give him a kiss (I wouldn't normally but he's cute) and make an exit.

He texts to say it was hot. The next day he texts again to ask if we could meet again (but I am not going to be free again before my flight home). Sounds like my dirty talk and dominating act wasn't too bad after all. But I wasn't that turned on by the role, probably because I was just putting all my effort into staying in character. It was interesting though.

When sex is the NSA kind of sex, it is just a game. But when there is connection between the two it is so much more. I still think about Brad every day.

To be continued

They must be back in New York by now.

I had the chance to see Brad once last time before he left but I didn’t. I didn’t want him to feel any worse. I pray that God gives him all the goodness he deserves.

>…the thought of your gentle smile and warm heart torment me because my actions and desires are not mine to give at this time…
> I have had more than I could ask for in the last couple of weeks.

While Brad was on a plane, I sweated through the night with a fever. I sent Craig an email to ask for forgiveness but I couldn't promise never to let Brad touch my heart again. I couldn't.

> It's not supposed to happen this way...

Brad is the sweetest man. Physically he is not at all the type I go for - I have the commercialised view of beauty which means a full head of hair, tallish, athletic build. He doesn't tick the boxes (except his package which is in a league of its own, hence "the Range Rover").

As I get to know him a little more, I am captivated by his heart of gold. He is an artist but he is nothing like the pretentious London hipsters who criticise everyone and everything. The way he sees beauty in the things he likes is unique and inspiring. I think he also sees a lot in me that I don't.

What I see is that when he smiles his eyes pull you in and there is no escape. Like the ocean, so deep, powerful and yet so very gentle.

Sorry this is all very cliched I know. I am an engineer. I can't piss poetry on demand. But every word is true.

We become intimate very quickly in our texts. I am counting the number of days before I can ask about the next stay-over, to avoid sounding too desperate. I manage to see him every other day but he would always have something on in the evening, and he would always ask me to forgive him. Five days after our night together he has to bail again.

> Don't feel bad.

> I feel bad for reasons we should discuss face to face. I am twisted in a knot thinking about you.

I know I have jumped into something I cannot easily get out of. But I didn't realise Brad is also stuck. It's not supposed to happen like this. I am only meant to be a friend with benefits. Craig is the reason we even come to know each other. That night, we are in our own beds but neither of us get to sleep much.

I keep telling myself that it's just a phase. It's just a phase. We finally meet up again at his work place, in a little office with three desks. It's relatively quiet on a Sunday. Brad says he doesn't trust his or my feelings at the moment, although he doesn't understand why over the years he still thinks about me. The reality is our lives are in different places in the world.  So there is no point in trying or even thinking. I know that. And we talk some more.

I feel a lot better after that. At least the outcome is not "let's not see or talk to each other again". He walks me to the bus stop in the rain. We hold each other's eyes for the last time before the bus pulls away and crawls into the city lights.

--------------------

I should probably mention our fuck in the office. Fighting against our feelings is futile. There are no blinds on the windows so I have to believe nobody is watching. The room is also lacking in furniture. I straddle him on the office chair which I think would break if I put my whole weight on it. That or Brad's legs. We go bareback (which is very irresponsible and stupid, I know) because we don't have anything. I am surprised that it works and it wasn't painful. When I come he takes it in his mouth but even after that I don't want him to pull out. So he carries on, until he gets close. I honestly enjoy every second when we are connected and I will try my hardest to never forget it.

How it started less than a week ago

I must have really left an impression on Brad. He carried on sending me messages saying how he’d like to spend more time with me next time I was back in town, and I would be welcome to stay in their apartment in Manhattan if I ever went. I thought it was the polite thing to say.

July 2012, I am in New York for just over a week to see the city and a friend who is there for business. But for the first few days I choose to stay at Craig and Brad’s apartment. They are both supposed to be back here in New York for a few weeks but apparently Brad is delayed by some last minute errands. Craig goes to his office in the morning and doesn’t usually come back until late evening. He is always sweet and treats me like a friend. Nothing more. We have sex once - not sure if he is actually keen or just doesn't want to reject me. I never see Brad or even speak to him over the phone. He is still pretty much just someone-I-met-once. But I am immensely grateful for their generosity and trust as a couple.

A month ago, I send Brad a Facebook message about my upcoming trip, addressed to both of them. A few days after touching down, I am invited over for dinner. We talk and drink until the wee hours, before our clothes come off. Like last time, Craig is happy to just watch sometimes while stroking himself. There was a lot of kissing and fucking but mostly only between Brad and I. I have a Range Rover up my back end and it seems to have endless stamina. Eventually, in a straddling position, I shoot all over Brad’s body up to his shoulder. And the sight of it sends Craig over the edge too.

Three men in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s share a bed that night. Brad and I are spooning all night but separate from Craig – I think he’d rather be left alone to get some sleep.

The next morning, after breakfast, Craig leaves for work. Brad and I end up in bed again. We make out and he tells me about how good it felt last night, how much he adores me, over and over again like he can’t help himself.

The Range Rovers from New York

So I’ve taken a few weeks off work to visit my birth place, to get away from the cold and to see my friends and family. Despite the travelling costs and difficulty with taking such a long time off work, I try to visit regularly which is why I still have friends in the city. Near the top of the list of people I have to (and want to) see are Craig and Brad – a couple of expats from New York.

A few years ago I met Craig when I was in town on a visit. We hooked up and he was amazing and his kindness made him even more attractive. Unlike most I had shared a bed with, Craig was actually interested in me as a person rather than a nameless device of pleasure. At that time I wasn’t used to the idea of a sexual relationship with anything more. I knew he had a partner so it wasn’t “that”. It was slightly confusing but I enjoyed his company and really appreciated his attention – I didn’t quite understand why a good looking, clever and successful man would bother taking an uninteresting, awkward sounding (I probably stammered in front of him) student to one of his favourite noodle bars.

Craig told his partner Brad about me and we exchanged a few messages online. Brad was between Craig and I in age. I don’t remember the details but he always sounded very polite and said he was keen to meet me. About a couple of summers ago (roughly…my memory is shocking for a 20 something) I was back again and finally got to meet Brad and Craig together at their place. They were both incredibly nice and welcoming which I thought was a bit strange to see it from Brad – because I kinda had sex with his partner, you know. But he was sweet and gave me his full attention. Brad was about my size. They were hot and both had amazing drives. If I were a Polo (and I was no stranger to nice saloons) they would be Range Rovers – two of them, fucking my brains out. I kept looking to Craig for reassurance like a baby that got handed over to a stranger. It was my first non-1-on-1 experience.

The nurse kept calling me angel despite I am a grown man

I am lucky enough that I have not had any long term illness or major injuries so although my dad used to be a doctor, I don't find myself in a practice or talking to medical professionals very often. I get up extra early this morning to get some blood samples taken before work. The main branch of the vein is not popping up so the nurse goes for the side vein. She pushes the needle in and puts a sample tube at the end. So here I am, squeezing my fist, watching my blood squirt out of the needle in a narrow stream, filling the mini test tube with a dark red liquid. It is kind of exciting. But I am worried that the stream will stop for some reason before all three of the tubes are filled. I remember the first time - and the only time - I defied the law and lied about my sexuality just so I could give blood. It took a bit longer than usual according to the nurse because my forearm was not strong enough. Well I never went back anyway because I don't want to force my gay blood on anybody...Of course I don't say that out loud when my colleagues talk about giving blood, how it's good for you etc etc. I just say, yeah well done.

Missed encounters

Some bloke sends me a couple of pics on Grindr. He looks younger in the second one than in the first - and the first pic has a time stamp from 2010. You know, if there isn't a single photo of yourself taken in the last three years that you can send, then don't send. Otherwise it's false advertising.

Speaking of Grindr, I was on holiday a week ago in Dubrovnik (stunning place) and this local guy (31 according to his profile) wanted to hook up. I was like fuck, me want! Cock went hard instantly. But I wasn't travelling alone and didn't have access to a car either so sadly, it didn't happen. I wonder how many foreigners he has fucked this tourist season.

Spandex anyone?

This is a home made ad for Doritos. I don't have a fetish for spandex but the bloke in the red suit turned me on so much, I had to pause a few times to drool over the perfect contours on his frame. I am more than happy to play the villain who straps him to an electric chair. This is beginning to sound like BDSM...

Resurfacing

I know I know. Where the fuck have I been right? I haven't been away (not the reason for disappearing anyway). Not been straightened. No life-event posts on Facebook. No car crash. No fuck all. And it is exactly because my numbers have not been increasing that I don't know if I should post...about life's routine?

I don't keep a record but if I drew a cumulative chart for the number of cocks I have had an affair with over time, I am on a plateau now longer than ever before. When I was a uni student, there would have been a commendable uphill slope, accelerated with Grindr's gain in momentum. Then when I got my car, it probably shot up like Apple's share price at the time. My car also took me to Rob's house on the opposite side of town.

Some kind of relationship has built up between Rob and I like cobwebs when nobody was watching, without a single date or any words of commitment ever being said. I have also become a regular at the glory hole. The smokey lad would call once in a while too. With a few tried-and-tested buddies like them on speed dial I have become...more fussy with picking men for a local hook up. I still go on Grindr all the time but this is only a town rather than a city - everyone has already tried it with almost everyone else in their league or above. I don't say yes to just anyone with a functioning cock anymore. The desperate bottom-or-die urge also comes less often for some unknown reason.

Should I be concerned?

Hot ginger spotting

Say hi to Spencer from the University of Liverpool. Cute and clever. I'll have one of those please.

A hole lot of pleasure

I have been a customer at this local man's private glory hole since a few weeks ago. Every time I opened the wooden gate, walked across the small, unlit back yard and in through the back door, I would find myself in a narrow room just big enough to fit about two more washing machines in. I could see all the rest of the stuff stored on shelves and against the walls with the weak light bulb placed on top of the washing machine. The only other exit was next to the back door - except it was completely blocked with a black wooden board. In the centre of the board there was a droplet shaped hole just big enough to fit a fist through. There was no light on the other side either.

The first time I was in my jeans. I dropped them to midway down my thighs, lowered my underwear and stuck it through the hole. I felt his mouth and his hand and I got hard. He had a wet tongue which ran all over my cock. He was good with his mouth. I could also feel his fingers busy with feeling my skin within the area of the cut-out, from my lower abs to my prostate muscle. He didn't always suck my balls but when I lifted my cock back out of the hole, leaving only the sack to him, he would sucked on them in his mouth like a baby. I liked to thrust it down his throat too - there were rope handles at the top of the wooden board which I didn't notice the first time but when I started using them, face-fucking got a whole lot better. What I loved the most was teasing him by pulling back from the hole so he could only suck on the head. Then I would step back a little further so he couldn't have it at all. His open mouth and nose would emerge from the shadow behind the board, cautiously but also desperate. The heavy breathing became a low, begging moan. Then I would let him reunite with the meat and he would moan in relief, like giving the drip bag back to a terminal patient. Best fucking sound.

I have used public glory holes before. But this is, to my surprise, quite a different experience. There is no risk factor compared to fun in public. However, it means I can take as long as I like, and the surrounding is so quiet that I can really focus on the senses on your cock, his nose nuzzling in the area when he goes all the way down, and the little moan of satisfaction when I rewarded him after half an hour with spurts of warm cream which he always gobbles down without missing a drop.

Some guy I papped

This unsuspecting guy was a victim under my camera phone. He's not really my type: too young and too smooth (but I wouldn't say no). I was just practising my undercover paparazzi skill.

Although it's only thirty minutes on the train, I only go to London once or twice a month. When I am in the city I am always dazed by the never-ending flow of hot men. If I lived in London I would take twice as long to go anywhere or get anything done.

Never say no to free stuff

Everyone has seen those posts offering "sensual" massages in forums, chat rooms and other hook-up platforms. A lot of them are offered for free but it is just a way of getting hands on other men as we all know. Some people feel that their bodies are too precious to be touched by anyone except those they are definitely sexually attracted to. But I tend not to think about it too much and go for it if there is nothing or little to lose. A proper sports massage is quite a bit of money. So if someone wants to do it for free, it's worth a try. Everyone can give a shoulder/back rub. It's not rocket science.

I responded to an offer earlier in the week and said I could pop around in the evening after my workout. He was 43 on his profile. We swapped pics and he appeared to be a normal, average looking man, not overweight or underweight, beer in hand, not creepy. He was polite and decent in chat room. I asked if he had a massage table, just to see how professional he was, and he said he only had an exercise mat on the floor. Ok - so at least he won't be able to push his crotch against my face while I'm on the floor.

Wednesday night, about half ten as agreed, I rang the bell and was welcomed in. He kept the lights very low all the way and had candles/tea lights in the living room where the mat and towel were laid out. I couldn't see his face very well in the dark, not that I was trying to, but thought he looked like a decent guy. He told me to take my clothes off and I did with my back to him. I was a little nervous and my cock started to react but then I turned and lay down on my front so I don't think he saw it.

I felt the baby oil on my back. He rubbed it all over my back and shoulders and it felt good. I love a good rub. He asked if I was a swimmer and I thought it was the smell of chlorine. "The muscles below your shoulders are more developed than other guys' I've come across." Was he talking about my lats?

He moved down to put oil on my bum and legs. And a certain part of me started to get excited when he was on the inside of my thighs, "accidentally" touching my balls a few times. I didn't show any reaction but my cock slowly grew as he brushed across my more sensitive areas.

I followed the instruction to turn around, and revealed my semi hard-on but neither of us said anything. He rubbed oil on my front, circling around my nipples for a bit, and also oiled my legs, carefully moving my cock to the other side when doing each thigh. Now he hardly spent half as long as on my back but he couldn't resist anymore. With the lightest touch of his finger tips running three or four times from the root of my cock to the head, my cock grew to full glory that it was the only thing he was interested in. He put more oil on and started stroking, sometimes fast and sometimes slow. He would slowly increase the speed until he saw me breathing more heavily, then let go and start from a slow rate again. Yes, I was being edged. He was loving it. So was I to be honest. I still wish he had the other hand rubbing my muscles or massaging my nipples at the same time - would have sent me over the edge. Eventually, he got serious and didn't slow down or let go. I tensed up and was almost thrusting with my hands behind my head. I erupted and it lasted a little while before I had exhausted my gravy.

I cleaned myself with some paper towel and got dressed. I always find the small talks a little awkward but I've become slightly better at it. He complimented on my legs and I was like hah thanks probably from the swimming.

This was not the first time. I have taken up this kind of offer before, twice, but this was the first time I thought I could come back again. Because he didn't try to massage my head (I think it's meant to be relaxing but it freaks me out); and he kept all his clothes on. (I was scarred by a man who claimed he was getting too warm while giving me a massage and had to take his shirt off. If you want to dress this up as a massage service, you are NOT taking your top off!)

Friday night time wasters

Last night after midnight, I was horny and this 26 year-old, clean shaven, blond guy on Grindr wanted to help me out. He wanted to be fucked but I wasn't so keen. Then he offered to suck me off. "I swallow. Never waste a drop." Great. You're on. I didn't even show him my face.

It was dead quiet in the area. Everyone was in bed. He let me in through the back door of a local pub. He was probably the last person there as the manager. He was not as slim as I thought (from looking on his facebook page) and he never smiled once which was a bit awkward, like he didn't even want to be there. The bright fluorescent light in the store room made me feel uncomfortable. He put his hand down my joggers and let it out in the open. After a few tugs my cock was pumped to its full volume. He bent down for a taste but as soon as his mouth touched the head of my pole he sucked on it like a vacuum cleaner. I don't remember the last time I met anyone who was THAT good at giving head. The suction probably caused even more blood to rush through the veins on the meat. But I only had about half a minute to evaluate his skills before he got up to look at his phone and said he had to go.

The post title sounds more annoyed than I actually am. Well I was at the time, but this morning he messaged me again, which was a surprise as I thought he wasn't interested and would have blocked me. He said he wanted me to fuck him. I told him we'll talk when I've had that blow job.

Hello hello hello

Don't worry I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I was ill the week before. Then been busy with work and gym and life in general. You know the drill. That's why you're a blog reader rather than a stupid blog writer. 

We had the longest heat wave in (insert correct statistics) years. I went over to Rob's one night. In the middle of the night he got up and went downstairs to sleep in the living room instead because it was so warm.

Here is my hot neighbour again. He pulled up outside my window on Friday and kept making phone calls/looking at a camcorder in his car. I got stalkerish - FYI, he was wearing lycra shorts under a pair of sports shorts.

At least it stayed hard...I think

Nine out of ten times when I log on to this cruising website (the same one I found Sammy on) I appear as offline but I decided to go online today. I came back a couple of hours later and saw this guy's message.

We have hooked up before. The last time was...I can't remember if it's been more than five months but it was in the winter. Let's call him Martin (I don't know what his actual name is or I've forgotten). He is about my age or a few years older; same height as me but chunkier - this came from experience, not the inaccurate details on his profile. The facial hair makes him look a bit latino. He is average looking with an average cock but is a nice guy. He seems to like me a lot and whenever he sees me online he'd ask when we are hooking up again. This is part of the reason I choose to appear offline.

I agreed to meet because I felt bad about having ignored him for so long, and I am useless at rejecting people outright. It was past 11pm. We agreed to meet in a dark quiet area. On the way, driving with my pants and joggers halfway down, I tugged and stroked but it wouldn't get fully hard. Shit, am I going to have to apologise and go home? I pulled up in a quiet residential lane with nice houses on one side and a park surrounded by trees on the other. He was waiting, in jeans and zipped up hoodie with the hood up, by the gate to the car park which was closed by now. We moved past the gate to the small playground behind the car park as it was more shielded from the street lights.

As soon as we started playing with each other's cock, I got stiff which was a relief. I guess I just needed someone else's hand on it. And some mutual sucking followed. I turned him around and started teasing his ass with my stick. His hands reached back to feel my peach and pressed my crotch against his rear.

There was a wooden platform with a slope on one side - no idea what kind of game or exercise it was built for. But the platform was the perfect height. I told him to bend over on it and gave his hole a little licking. He moaned quietly when I came back up to grind on his crack. I put the rubber on and lubed up the tunnel with one finger, two fingers, three fingers. Easy. I wish mine was that flexible. Cock in, I started to get going with a rhythm and he was loving it from the sound he was making. He reached behind me with his left hand and played with my hole which was tight as a knot. I was pumping harder when he asked if I was ready to cum. To my surprise, I wasn't.

I told him to flip over and pulled his jeans down further to give me better access. His feet were up in the air and I wasted no time to go inside. He was moaning a bit more and a bit louder than whispering volume. He pulled his hoodie and t-shirt up like he was getting ready to shoot. No he wasn't "toned" as described on his profile but I kinda knew that already. I kept thrusting and I felt his muscles tightening around my shaft a few times but the squeeze was not sustained. He whispered that he was going to cum and was now moaning in normal talking volume with every deep thrust. He came. I wasn't even close.

I pulled out and peeled off. We adjusted our clothes and he pointed out where the bin was. Did that just happen? Did he think that I came? I think he gave me a hug I'm not too sure. When I was making my way back (he was about ten feet behind) I walked past a motorbike by the gate. There was a helmet next to the bike and I could feel that the bike was still hot. Is this his bike? I sat in my car around the corner for a minute, waiting to see. And the motorbike buzzed past.

Just as I thought I was done with this guy, he suddenly seemed more interesting. I bought my first bike a week ago. And I've just fucked another biker.

The world famous gay club on a shit regular Saturday night

Saturday night, London, Heaven, apparently THE gay club to go to. I had only heard of this place before. My mate who is bi and just split up with his four-year girlfriend wanted to go and we went with a few of his friends too.

It was fun for the first 2-3 hours. We drank and we danced and all. But when the alcohol started to wear off and my blood sugar dropped I couldn't ignore the staring eyes anymore - the men standing on the side with drink in hand, scanning for the next pair of eyes that stared back. The DJ was no good either, using the monotonous, half-hearted drum and bass tracks to mix with pop songs. No wonder people had to take drugs in this place to get high. The place just didn't live up to its reputation. Maybe we picked a shit night to go.

"Did your top come off?" Rob texted.

There were a lot of gay boys (and men) breaking it down with their tops off, some in better shapes than the others. But I wasn't one of them. Firstly because I am quite self conscious even after a few drinks. Secondly the more skin you show the more desperate you look. And thirdly I couldn't do it when my mate, who I've known for ten years, was there.

No I didn't cop off with a random. A year ago I would have made that the main objective and done the scanning thing on the dance floor. I think I find people more attractive when they don't look so...full of lust. One of the friends of my friend was a little Italien lady who didn't speak much English and wasn't into the music so she was standing on the side a lot. But every now and then some guy would come up to talk to her because she looked a bit lost. Those were the ones I wanted to pull to the side and suck on their faces.

The truth is there but nobody sees it

Despite of all the wicked things that I do and all the sex that I have, I go to church and I have some sort of faith in God. My belief is built upon and transformed by experiences over the years, for better or for worse.

I have lived in different places and so have gone to very different churches. The one that I have been going to for about a year is a small congregation lead by a church elder, who is very traditional and narrow-minded. Every time he gives a sermon I have to hold on to my seat so I don't launch out and hurt him.

"The Bible says don't be conformed to this world. People want to legalise homosexuality. Is that right? Do we support them?"

The OAPs in the congregation shook their heads, as they have been spoon-fed the idea that gay equals wrong.

Erm, sorry, but are you referring to legalising gay marriage or anal penetration? Just an example of his lack of clarity that I find frustrating. He never goes on to explain why it's such a damning sin to be gay - it just is. Frankly I don't think he has the knowledge to answer questions in this area. The man needs to study the Bible a bit more closely and perhaps take a theology course to open up his mind first.

I am friends with the elder's son. Not close friends but we get along and to be honest there are only about a dozen people my age. We're hanging out the other day and a girl mentions the upcoming gay pride. She loves watching the parade with her husband but she's never sure whether it is "right" to enjoy as a spectator. So she asks for the elder's son's opinion. The funny thing is, he doesn't really care. His manager at work is gay. He's been to a gay wedding ceremony (his manager's) not that he likes to bring it up. He's neither for or against, as long as he has his video games and shit. What a funny world we live in.

Repeat offender

I might have gone down on smokey Sammy again. This time he was allowed to sit on my bed. I tried to film it - not sure why because it's not like I can get off on a video with myself in it. And I hardly ever watch porn anymore. It was too dark anyway.

Like an unsuspecting fish

It's definitely not the first time that Rob has gone radio silent for days. He doesn't text back. He doesn't show up on Grindr. He doesn't go on the other (cruising) website where we first met. Although we are not in a relationship, I think about him a lot and every time he goes AWOL I wonder if something has happened to him. The night before he was still telling me about policing at Wimbledon and saying we will def meet up tomorrow night.

Four days later, Rob shows up on the website with a randy status, looking for sex. It would appear that he's not dead after all. I have no problem with him shagging whoever. But I am really struggling to understand what's on his mind.

Is he trying to keep me at a distance to prevent anything from developing? The gap in age between us is a very good reason why a relationship might be unrealistic. But he is the one who's talked about taking me to his favourite restaurant. He is the one who's bought me something from the shop. He is the one who's made me breakfast. Now he's got me on the hook.

My little brain cannot make sense of the signals. But I'm not going to ask him when I see him next, because I don't want him to think that I'm getting all serious and worked up. Life wouldn't be so stressful if I could find someone my age, or more straight forward.

The reason I missed swimming

I sent a message to this local guy last night. He must have missed it but when he replied today I happened to be online although I had to go to the swimming club soon. He said he didn't have much time but wanted me to suck him dry. I agreed to let him come to mine - my place is hardly ever used for hook-ups but I'll make an exception.

The first time we met in the shades in a business park where it was completely empty at night. The second time I had him over at my flat. He was the kind who didn't want a regular but would come back after a few months. On his hook-up profile he is Sammy, 26, same height as me, bi and vers, with the main picture showing off his cock but not bothered with his hot, naturally fuzzy body - typical straight mindset. Every time we have met, we haven't exchanged more than a few words. This time was the same: he just wanted to be sucked off.

Five minutes later, he walked through the door and dropped his shorts. Like before, his eyes were evasive and clearly didn't really want me to take a good look at him. I complied, although he couldn't hide the stunning face with the well-groomed heavy stubble which was my big weakness.

His cock was soft when I took it into my mouth but it quick rose to a hard, plump stance. The shape of his cock was perfect and it wasn't so big that I couldn't go down to the base of the shaft. Lovely. My hands were running up and down his fuzzy front and feeling his hard nipples. He didn't have the most defined bulging pecs and abs but his body was rock solid. I could smell cigarette from his clothes but it wasn't strong enough to put me off - he was too hot. I ventured to his thighs and got a good feel of his ass. With my mouth wrapped around his meat, I took the liberty to play with his hole. He was tight. I didn't want to wait another few months so I turned him around and starting feasting on his fruity hole. He was only slightly leaning against the wall with his t-shirt and zip-up hoodie still on. I could run my tongue up and down and around his hole all day. But it seemed that he wasn't in the mood for it and he turned back around for my mouth. My guess is I was licking a cherry that hasn't been popped.

I sucked on it for a bit more and he gave it a few strokes in between (does that mean I wasn't good enough?). He was stroking it faster but I could only suck on the head because he wouldn't let go of it until he was really close. As soon as he let go I went down on the lolly so his leak hole was at the back of my tongue. He was very quiet the entire time. I tasted the cream but I kept milking with my mouth until he was completely soft. He pulled out and turned around for the door before he had even pulled his shorts up. "Cheers see you later," he mumbled as he hurried out.

They say smoking ruins the taste of cum. I don't suck enough cock to make a fair call but I thought it was not bad at all. Kinda wish he had cum more so I could get a better taste. My judgement might have been clouded by his head to toe hotness.

Dear my year 7 self

Change of tone from the previous post...

For some reason, what the lady at 6:15 said, I found it quite moving. I was never the kid that stood out in a funny way so it probably wasn't a personal connection. Just the way she talked about her guilty feeling that showed how much she cared about her brother. Love is beautiful.

A good massage without the happy ending

It's not what you are thinking about. But close.

I had to travel up to the north west earlier this week for some company-run training so I went the night before and stayed at a hotel. I didn't have my car with me and there was not much around so I loaded up Grindr and started getting messages - as the fresh meat in the area.

To cut a long story short, this guy caught my attention but he was stalling all night, asking horny questions without showing real intention to put into action. And he vanished in the end. Why do people waste their own time and others like that? Real tosser.

Meanwhile, this older man was pestering me with a message every ten minutes. Persistance becomes desperation after a while. It wasn't particularly attractive. While still being stalled by Mr Trimmedchest, I said I just wanted him to open me up so I could let someone else in later - a request I thought might turn him away. But it didn't seem to have dampened his spirit at all.

Before I had even agreed, he said he was already in the car park. Hey if he's happy to work for me at the other end, not requiring any active participation on my part, I have nothing to lose right? So I told him the room number.

He looked a bit older than in the photos - they always do don't they - and was a bit too "nice" like he was my uncle or something. Er, please just get on with it. I didn't actually say that.

I stripped off and he followed. I moved to his left side with my back to him so I could give him a few strokes and he could start working on my manhole. He was surprisingly good. He had a lot of lube that felt watery but it did the job. Soon enough I was on all fours on the bed and he was giving my tunnel an all-direction rub. Deep and thorough. Sometimes with a finger on each hand stretching my muscle. I must have been dripping a bit when he was massaging my prostate with his thumb on the inside and the rest of his hand around my balls. But I wasn't giving him my full attention every second - I was still checking Grindr in the hope that Trimmedchest or some other hot guy would turn up, now that my third eye had opened.

Without pulling his fingers out, he came around to my left so I could suck him. I did for a bit to be polite, then went back to enjoying the stretch. Then, as the final stage of the exercise, he put a condom on and made sure I was ready for whoever I was expecting. His shaft was bigger than average - he was a tall man. I felt the stretch but he had warmed me up so well that it never hurt a bit, even when he was going in and out at full speed.

He pulled out, said he needed a break and sat down on the bed against the wall, still smiling. I checked Grindr again - no offers that I wanted to take. But I told him that someone was on their way. He got the idea (or actually believed me) and started getting dressed again. I thanked him. He left. And that was that. Then I realised that my groin area was actually slightly sore. Like the spent feeling after wanking off multiple times. Or I guess in this case, the kind of muscle ache after an intense workout?

By then I was happy enough to go to bed without a second visitor. I felt absolutely great. It'd been so long I had almost forgotten the feeling of being stretched and I did just that tonight, blowing the cobwebs off. It was even better that I didn't blow my load - I was in the best state just before peaking so I didn't have to go through the flop. Because you are meant to enjoy the relaxing effects of a massage for as long as you can.